i jhust puked up my retainher.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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