tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Help. Why am I so naked?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
