i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
