Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
