I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
