I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
