If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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