I got chris browned last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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