So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
