How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
