R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so explain again why im purple
no
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize