He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
