Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
