Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
