I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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