I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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