im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
