but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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