Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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