he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
