the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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