well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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