You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
