While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
