Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
