U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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