My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
