why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
