Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
