last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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