What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
