if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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