Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
