I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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