nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
