You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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