worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
