i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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