I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
