I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
