I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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