Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't notice because vodka
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
