You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
