I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't turn off my feet"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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