You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
