No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
