and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
