I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
