I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
