I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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