he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
