Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
