I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
