she looked like the before picture.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
