I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
