So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
