Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
