Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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