love makes seman taste better
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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