Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
