I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
