btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
