Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
