Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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