I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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