I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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