New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
