im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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