No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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